Some concepts can end up being too much to handle.
The more layered and complicated, the greater the upside if handled brilliantly, and the deeper the abyss when it’s not. Trouble is, some writers aren’t aware that they’re already tumbling into a black void.
Such concepts — it’s good to recognize them as such, and if you’re ready to tackle something challenging, begin the inevitable wrestling match — can be the Big Ticket story you are looking for. But like a beautiful and brilliant blind date set up with a simpleton, if you can’t keep up you’ll end up dumped after the appetizer.
This story offers a meaty proposition, with a deeply layered and conflicted hero.
But the writer is straddling the edge of the precipice between harnessing it and tumbling headfirst into the inherent paradox of it. See what you think. Let’s help this writer wrestle this one to the ground.
By the way, the courageous author of this story asked me to clarify that English is not his native language, nor is it the one he’ll use to write the novel. That said, he does a great job on that front, you’ll hardly know this to be true. He was totally up for this and is anxious to hear your thoughts. He’s already eagerly engaged in a significant revision based on my input… but it’s not to late to contribute to the process.
What to look for?
No matter how complex the concept, the benchmarks of an effective story always remain clear and consistent. Messing with those benchmarks is not the way to make the story work, even if you claim the genre of “literary” to perhaps license liberties taken with the basic physics of storytelling.
We need a hero with a problem and/or an opportunity. We need a reason to invest in it on an emotional level, something we can relate to. We need something specific to root for, as well as feel. We need conflict and tension, a confrontation between what the hero wants and does, and what opposes him or her on that path, something more than “inner demons” (which are useful when they influence that the hero DOES about the problem he/she faces… rather than simply documenting how those demons feel along the way). And most of all — because this will make us care and root — we need to understand what is at stake for both sides of confrontation.
A good story is not a documentary of a situation. A good story takes us on a journey with the hero toward resolution through confrontation, action, courage, cleverness, risk taking and the conquering of both interior and exterior antagonists.
Those are the balls that remain up in the air in this case study.
You can read it here: Conceptual Paradox Case Study.
*****
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18 Responses
@Steve: Funny, I actually wrote that scene already, with the difference that he finds the baby in Braber’s arms, because Juul is in some extra surgery. Maybe it’s a goord way to start the story, thanks for the suggestion!
@Curt: Thanks for your words. Lots to think about. I am thinking about conflict now, how to make it external. I think, in general, the story must be more about David, and how – after discovering that he is/might not be the father – he gets himself in all kinds of trouble, because he can’t handle the situation and acts to do something about it, but acts all wrong all the time.
It will be long and hard work for me. But a nice job to do. Thanks!
While reading the case study, the following visual scenes came to me. I know this won’t help solve the story structure problem but can’t not share this.
“Movie starts off with David running in panic on the streets almost out of breath. He spots the hospital a few blocks ahead and puahes further. As he rushes up the stairs and into the delivery room, he finds no one there. He asks for his wife’s whereabouts and nurses tell him the baby has already been delivered. She is in room 201 resting with the newborn. David realizing he arrived too late, rushes once more to the room and finds his wife in bed holding onto their kid. He smiles. But next to them, is a man, Braber, who seems happy. David asks Braber what he is doing here? And Braber gives a reasonable sounding answer. David finds the whole situation off but is too happy about his new son to care and immediately rushes to his wife and son and hugs them. Oblivious that the man next to him is ore than just a stranger to his family,”
That’s the scene that played in my head believe it or not. I’m thinking this could be a good foreshadowing of the problems to come, before suspicion even enters David’s head.
Ralph,
I’m not really much help, since I am in a similar boat as you with my own story problems.
I will say, from my own experience, that to find the story you need to break out of entrenched thinking, as I am trying to do. The deeper you have gone into your story, the deeper the neurological trenches are that it has dug into your brain. At least that’s how it is for me.
You must stand back and question everything, but having said that, I’ve found it a difficult task as I try to fix my own work. You get so inside something you’ve created, and it is almost impossible to analyze it the way you can the work of someone else.
I see your story as a struggle between two men over one woman, and that is your wellspring of antagonism and conflict. I understand your focus on paternity, but as others have commented, this sparks an internal conflict within David, but provokes little external conflict. The same could be said if you decide to make Juul “torn between two lovers:” Go for starving artist she’s really in love with, or the powerful man who can provide materially for her and the child? Familiar ground, but your storytelling skills will bring a fresh take on it all.
I think seeing it mostly from the POV of a very conflicted Juul would provide the most interesting story, where she is with Braber (maybe she leaves David after a big fight. It’s all over!) but from the secure arms of Braber, she becomes increasingly sympathetic to David.
I don’t know, just my two-cents, but I see this as a story of emotions and relationships that could twist nicely around a core thread of artistic rivalry as David works to become successful and also get Juul to fall back in love with him.
I think Juul leaving is a good FPP, since it sets the stage and provides a story goal for David. You can really play up the David v. Goliath aspect… David the poor, starving artist, sincere, loves Juul and the baby, etc. while Braber is the rich, powerful man (whom we come to suspect doesn’t really love Juul or the baby, maybe he’s selfish, egotistic, etc) but provides all the material comforts for Juul and the child, a veritable citadel, impenetrable. How can David compete?
I wish you well,
Curt
Hi all,
I am the ‘writer’ in this case study. I was away for a few days, and then it took me a few days to digest all of your comments. I must say: thanks thanks thanks for all this. Larry promised me that you would come with valuable thoughts and suggestions, but I was a bit doubtful. After all, it’s only my story in development here, who would care?
Having said that, I would like to share some thoughts.
Every time I let someone read my setup, or chapters of my manuscript, I get the same question: underneath it all, what does your hero WANT? And every time I rework it, come out with new versions, only to get the same question again: what does he want, what does he root for? And who/what stands in his way?
David wants Juul. I think it’s as easy as that. And to ‘get’ her he accepts the fact that he must raise a child that may not be his.
It’s in my first sentence, which I translated from Dutch for you: ‘Two men could be my son’s father. I was the least likely of the two. But I did not hesitate when Juul asked me to take the job. Of course I wanted to father this child, for I wanted Juul. It’s that simple.’
The antagonist, then, must be Juul. Because she leaves. Or is Braber the antagonist, because he left earlier, but comes back to claim his place/win Juul back?
I like where some of you are taking me. I don’t see murder as a way out. But I like the idea of David – in an act of true desperation – sabotaging Braber’s ‘wooden city’ after finding out that Braber IS the actual father. In Part three I want David to secretly taking a paternity test from Braber, when he is asleep. Or something. So, Part three and Part four seem to be falling into place for me. I can see the ‘acting’ David in part three, and I think I see the climax before me to. But then the most important part to make it worth reading is: how to get there. This leaves the set up and the FPP and the MP to be figured out.
You have different suggestions, which I like, because it tells me that there is no ‘one best option’.
So, here are some options I can see now.
FPP: David discovers his kid is not his
MP: Juul leaves (leaving their son with David)
Or:
FPP: Juul leaves (leaving their son with David)
MP: David discovers that Braber could be the father
Well, I will study on that for a while. Maybe you have some thoughts on this all. (Secretly hope so, because I love how your minds work).
Thanks again!
Ralph
@Curt –
Yes, in this particular scenario, I actually think that “death would just get in the way.” When rich, colorful, passionate characters are in-play in a story, the most power comes when they all live to tell about it. When they are forced to change and thereby to grow. And, when we can vicariously experience their culture.
When the character – and dare I say, the writer? – is no longer willing to avoid conflict – conflict being more complex than just physical stuff – then. Then, I think, this premise is positively going to catch on fire and it will burn a long time. The pages will be flipping by so fast that they get singed along the edges. This story isn’t going to come easy. But I hope to see the English translation some day.
@ MikeR,
I like where you’re going. Piggybacking on Bill Cory’s idea…
Subtle sabotage of David by Braber that slowly escalates? Hidden from Juul, but she slowly becomes aware of it, maybe tries to deny it at first? Story told from her POV?
@Bill – and, chipping-in here if I may: “murder is sometimes highly overrated.”
Sure, murder is the definition of “an irrevocable act,” but most things in real-life don’t come to that. Hence, explore all of the options that are available to the various players in this compelling passion-play. It may well be that much stronger and thus more compelling tensions are created when nobody dies. Certainly more realistic ones, anyway.
When you “bump somebody off,” two things happen: you no longer have to deal with this person, and this person can never again influence you. Both of these concerns are, of course, neatly replaced by the concern of somehow managing to “get away with it,” but in a very real way, “that’s secondary” to what could happen INSTEAD, which could wind up being far more compelling albeit more difficult to handle. If you remove from the author’s table the option of simply killing-off one of the characters, you have to come up with some credible and compelling way to reconcile the two characters against one another. Murder just might be the easy way out. Dig deeper. Beneath that vein of easy, shiny gold, you just might find a diamond.
@Bill – very interesting thinking here. You’re going for the gold — deeper and more urgent conflict, something that MUST be addressed by both sides, or else… but look at what arises from that: deeper emotional stakes, as well, and the conflict unfolds on the richest landscape of all, the love of a parent for their child, the bonds of family… all this is eternal. Tasty food for thought, thanks for chipping in. L.
After reading through it all, finding Larry’s comments to be right on … I fell upon the short synopsis at the end with the character descriptions, and thought Braber would make a better protagonist, and David a better antagonist. If Juul were married to Braber, but fell for the mousy struggling artist next door and had his child, Braber could find out and want to KILL the little guy, and the whole thing could become a tense drama with the baby (and Juul) as the stakes and Juul standing between to two combatants, not wanting Braber to die because he’s the better provider, and not wanting David to die because she loves him and is secretly thinking that she might want to leave Braber and be with him (David), which David encourages in their ongoing adulterous affair. And all the while, David doesn’t even know that Braber wants to kill him, because they don’t talk, and Juul hasn’t told David that Braber knows the truth and desires his demise. During it all, Braber is plotting how to kill David without Juul knowing he is going to do it. How would it end? How, indeed …
There’s no conflict here yet – nothing that I can see but a person who’s determined to keep his head ducked-down well underneath the trench-line, which is no way to win a war. If the fellow suspects that the baby isn’t his, and also somehow expects that the real father will never figure that out, and if neither one of them will care for the rest of their lives as long as “domestic bliss ensues,” then … “So What?™”
I have a hard time believing that someone who brought himself into this richly-textured situation, would now turn into Casper Milquetoaste.
These are complex, passionate characters, and I suspect that the real story happened sometime before this chosen point in time. In any case, “I want to see: Fire.”
Think about the book, and movie, “Chocolat.” No one has to get bumped-off, but, give me passionate characters. Let them be irresistibly driven forward by a combination of strength and weakness that cuts to the very soul of who they are – and reveals that soul to me. Let “hunkering down and hoping and planning that no one will disturb my Domestic Tranquility for the next 30 years” be the last thing that any character in this story could possibly consider, even though throughout the story no one comes to actual violence, let alone murder.
I want to see Fire. Dance me a Tango.
I think this story is a great start, and could use just a little strengthening in the drama. Mostly, as I see it, coming from the wife.
Narrative: Start off with a young man David, who is greatly in love with his wife Juul, who’s pregnant. There are inner demons for him – coming from a broken family – but he’s bound and determined to make his new family last. As a character, as written in the narrative, he’s timid, with low self-esteem…ie not a hero YET.
Then, tension (but not the FPP yet): his baby is born, and as he looks at the kid, he has the horrible suspicion it’s not his kid. Maybe additionally, during the birth, his wife calls out a different name – “Braber”. He knows Braber is the name of her mentor, and so nagging doubt grows on him. Because of this suspicion, he secretly orders a paternity test for the kid. (rather than have Braber physically there, which seems kind of weird – how does Braber know about the birth, and why does he come if he has no interest in the kid? Plus, it seems like the author would want the ‘the 3 of them are a happy family without me’ emotional punch to come as trouble near the end, rather than starting with that in the beginning.)
First Plot Point: the paternity test comes back and David discovers the baby isn’t his.
So now he has to decide what to do. Does he confront his wife about Braber, and risk losing her (the love of his life), his new kid, and the family he wants so badly?
Let’s say he spends this second quarter taking the easy way out – he chooses to hold onto his family instead, trying to ignore the situation, and hides the paternity test results. BUT…conflict comes. His wife starts becoming more distant from David, and there is an increasing stream of incidents which lead him to think she’s going to leave him for Braber. He discovers she’s still in love with him, has feelings for him. David, acting in response, tries to keep Braber away and out of their lives (taking this directly from the narrative) (but his wife keeps bringing Braber back – maybe inviting him over, talking to him a lot, etc). David also tries to bond with his son (as the author said), but fails as his wife turns him into a mama’s boy. The midpoint comes when his wife leaves, and David discovers she’s gone back to Braber. (this is basically what the author’s narrative said…something about the wife leaving after a bad exposition, and the mid-point being him seeing the wife, Braber, and the son together and ‘usurping’ the family he’s always wanted, with him not a part).
So now David’s left with the love of his life gone, and a son who’s a mama’s boy, who will surely leave David to go with his mother if she comes back. His family, the thing dear to him throughout the story, seems doomed.
Now David must act.
Now, Part 3 is the part where the hero does the most desperate action. So previously timid, low self-esteem David breaks out of his shell. Perhaps he goes over to Braber’s house to ‘help’ with the wooden city, but secretly sabotages it to try to ruin Braber during the big climax exhibition. He goes out on a limb to win Juul back (leading to the 2 meetings as mentioned). Tension seeing Braber, Juul, and his son together as a ‘family’. David has success when he seems to win Juul, but the next day discovers she is gone again. And things have escalated – she has now taken their son.
I do feel like more things need to escalate here in the story, though I’m not sure what they could be. Remember, this is leading up to the climax.
Then the climax: the exhibition. It is stormy, and Braber’s having trouble setting up his wooden city. Perhaps David has only come because he thinks his wife and son will be there, and is ready to leave when he sees that they aren’t. And then the worst happens – just as he sees them, the part he sabotaged on Braber’s city breaks, and Braber starts drowning. (so it’s directly David’s fault).
Again, David has a choice, and a much more dramatic one here: does he save Braber, forever dooming his family getting back together (since his wife and son have pretty much chosen Braber over him)? Or does he do nothing and let his wife’s lover die, which would give him everything he wants as his family comes back to him, but also make him guilty of murder?
(the author has nicely tied the internal and external conflicts together in this scene – either David gets the emotional satisfaction of having his family but at the horrible cost of murder, or he does the right thing and loses everything he loves and that he has worked towards (and that the reader is rooting for)). A seemingly lose/lose situation makes for a great climax.
The ending: ultimately he knows he has to do what is right, and so saves Braber’s life. The end scene in the emergency room as in the narrative. And I love the bittersweet part of his family being around him, his wife reaching for his hand (perhaps because now she sees him as much more attractive and heroic after saving Braber, because the old David wouldn’t have had the courage to jump in and save him. Clearly, he’s changed, to both the reader and his wife – he’s finally become The Hero he was meant to be) But he doesn’t take her hand. It leaves you wondering…she likes David again now, but will it last? Will he forgive her and let the family come back together? or will the recovering Braber be too much and pull the family apart again in the future?
So the way I see it, David’s wife is the main one working against him throughout the story – making her both the main antagonist, and the object of his desire. Such conflicting pulls on the reader makes for a great and compelling story.
Good luck to the author. I can’t wait to read it in print.
I think this story has a lot of potential, but still needs a little fixing. Thanks for letting us all learn as you go through this process.! Here are my thoughts; take em or leave em. 🙂
So, David wants to be an artist in the big city, but he gives all that up when he finds out his girlfriend is pregnant. He decides to prioritize family over fame. A person who makes a sacrifice like that can be a hero.
But, when he finds out his now wife is still sleeping with her ex and the kid isn’t his…He should leave her. IF what he really wants is a stable, happy family life, THEN this is not it! I think if he leaves her, he overcomes his previous insecurity and becomes a hero again. (also, in my mind he goes to the city and finds a bit of success as a furniture artist!)
Then, Juul realizes two things – 1, David is really hot now that he’s stood up for himself and is becoming known for his furniture. 2. the other guy is “not father material”, and she has this little infant that needs a real dad to love and care for him. SO she starts pursuing David.
I do like the idea that David sees Braburn holding the baby and thinks “Oh, they have made a happy family,” and pulls away even further. I also like the idea that he’s pressured into collaborating with this other guy and winds up saving his life, but stealing back the girl.
Just my 2 cents, and maybe I’m way off. 🙂
btw, I LOVE the concept of a furniture artist! My step-father made gorgeous furniture but only ever gave it away to family and friends. He never thought of doing it for a living and it’s too bad. So your character resonates with me and I can’t wait to read it when you’re done!
Cheers and again, thanks for sharing.
Oops, just noticed that the paternity test point was made in Larry’s comments… Hadn’t read all the way to the end!
Thanks to the writer who offered this case study up for review!
It seems that the protagonist and the antagonist want the same thing for the baby (for Protagonist to behave as the dad) so the actual conflict is over the wife, not the baby. Who will she choose…? This puts the protagonist in a rather passive position, as pointed out.
In addition to your comments, Larry, I would add that in this scenario I want to see the protagonist putting the needs of the child ahead of his own selfish desires–I don’t need him to be a hero from the start, but if he cares more about himself than this unborn child, I can’t even get on-board for the story. So: why would it be best for the child to have Protagonist as a father rather than Real-Dad?
As a silly example, if this were a thriller maybe Real-Dad is a mafia don who wants the baby at any cost, meanwhile the mom splits after the birth for mysterious reasons, leaving Protagonist to dodge mafia hit men while trying to protect the baby, find the mom (or find out why she left), and perhaps deal with some other subplot in his life–professional enemy, problems with his own parents, a warrant for his arrest, etc.
This is literary fiction and demands something less flashy, so that’s just an example of how answering the questions, “Why this baby? Why this woman? Why this path?” would help fuel the plot.
I have to point out, also, that due to paternity testing there needn’t be any mystery over the child’s parentage for long, and therefore that can’t be relied upon as a source of suspense. He may as well find out he’s not the dad early on, probably as the inciting incident, and then move on to raising the stakes and confronting the problem.
never mind. It was in my downloads file.
Larry, I started reading the case study, Conceptual Paradox Case Study by clicking on it in your post. I didn’t get very far before I realized that I needed to download it and actually study it and apply it to my own writing project. Thank you.
Here’s a thought — and most likely a completely different story: David suspects/knows from the get-go he’s not the biological father — and then they discover baby is sick and needs a kidney transplant (say). Does David reveal to the other guy he’s the bio dad and get him tested to save his son (but possibly destroy his family) or not?
Dear Larry,
I can’t open the link to the case study.
http://storyfix.com/case-study-concept-also-paradox
Is there a glitch?