Headlines From Writer Hell

(RSS FEED SUBSCRIBER NOTE: this is a re-do, the last one sorta bombed, graphically-speaking.  Thanks for your patience.)

You can’t make this stuff up.  I assure you, I didn’t.  These are real.

 The folks who wrote these clunker headlines actually get paid.

See, there’s always hope.


Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

Who investigated this, Reno 911?


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Ya think?


Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Sad thing is, this is almost believable these days.


Panda Mating Fails; Verterinarian Takes Over

What a guy.


Miners Refuse to Work After Death

Those damn unions.


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

And if that doesn’t work…


War Dims Hope for Peace

From the Washington D.C. bureau…


If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Like I said, you can’t make this shit up.


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Good to know.


London Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Elementary, my dear Watson.


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Duct tape, for sure.


Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

The Lord named as accomplice.


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Your tax dollar at work.


Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

It’s those NASA rations… $1,744,500 per can.


Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Tastes like chicken.


Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Twilight 3.


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Life after the NBA.


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Stop, you’re killin’ me..

Know of any other jouralistic gems?  Let us know.


Filed under other cool stuff

15 Responses to Headlines From Writer Hell

  1. Bailish Habilis

    Hilarious! Coworkers came over to see what was so funny.

  2. LisaM

    These are hysterically funny. And to think people actually get paid to put these headlines together!

    As you say, there’s always hope for the rest of us. In the meantime, I’m enjoying having a good laugh. 😀

  3. My secret goal is to write – like a story, not product descriptions. Like, my own story – not a made-up one. OK, so I subscribe to your blog. It is for posts such as these, that make my subscription worthwhile.

    OK, not really true. But still – I loved this one terribly.
    THANKS for the comic relief!

  4. Ah the media–gotta love ’em. 🙂

  5. Thanks for the laugh! I’m willing to bet you could fill a book and title it Sh*t the paper printed.

  6. Each headline, along with your take, has the feel of story structure. Maybe everything does?

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  8. Great read to start the day — don’t know what was funnier — the headlines or your commentary. Thanks, Larry!

  9. Oh, this is great Larry. Thanks so much for the laugh and the reassurance that there IS hope for us all!

  10. My guess is bored writers at newspapers see how much Sh!t they can pass by the editors. Each one that makes it to print is a feather in the cap.

  11. OMG, Larry. LMAO and still wiping away the tears! Thank you

  12. Thanks Larry! I needed a good laugh today.

  13. Rio

    oh that was great, I read them out loud to my wife and we both laughed like crazy, what a nice change from all the serious stuff I read 🙂

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