(RSS FEED SUBSCRIBER NOTE: this is a re-do, the last one sorta bombed, graphically-speaking. Thanks for your patience.)
You can’t make this stuff up. I assure you, I didn’t. These are real.
The folks who wrote these clunker headlines actually get paid.
See, there’s always hope.
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Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
Who investigated this, Reno 911?
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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Ya think?
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Sad thing is, this is almost believable these days.
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Panda Mating Fails; Verterinarian Takes Over
What a guy.
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Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Those damn unions.
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
And if that doesn’t work…
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War Dims Hope for Peace
From the Washington D.C. bureau…
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If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Like I said, you can’t make this shit up.
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Good to know.
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London Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Elementary, my dear Watson.
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Duct tape, for sure.
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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
The Lord named as accomplice.
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Your tax dollar at work.
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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
It’s those NASA rations… $1,744,500 per can.
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Tastes like chicken.
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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Twilight 3.
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Life after the NBA.
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Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Stop, you’re killin’ me..
Know of any other jouralistic gems? Let us know.
15 Responses
Blue Paint Freighter Collides with Red Paint Freighter; Crews Marooned
oh that was great, I read them out loud to my wife and we both laughed like crazy, what a nice change from all the serious stuff I read 🙂
Thanks Larry! I needed a good laugh today.
OMG, Larry. LMAO and still wiping away the tears! Thank you
My guess is bored writers at newspapers see how much Sh!t they can pass by the editors. Each one that makes it to print is a feather in the cap.
Oh, this is great Larry. Thanks so much for the laugh and the reassurance that there IS hope for us all!
Great read to start the day — don’t know what was funnier — the headlines or your commentary. Thanks, Larry!
Each headline, along with your take, has the feel of story structure. Maybe everything does?
Thanks for the laugh! I’m willing to bet you could fill a book and title it Sh*t the paper printed.
Ah the media–gotta love ’em. 🙂
My secret goal is to write – like a story, not product descriptions. Like, my own story – not a made-up one. OK, so I subscribe to your blog. It is for posts such as these, that make my subscription worthwhile.
OK, not really true. But still – I loved this one terribly.
THANKS for the comic relief!
These are hysterically funny. And to think people actually get paid to put these headlines together!
As you say, there’s always hope for the rest of us. In the meantime, I’m enjoying having a good laugh. 😀
Hilarious! Coworkers came over to see what was so funny.