The Consequences of Writing Casually

Or, how not thinking it through before you stamp “Final” on a draft can bite you in the butt… while your readers are laughing theirs off.

Change of pace today.  The following have been culled from real church bulletins.  Thank the Lord for typos and best intentions.  Enjoy.

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 

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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’ 

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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale… It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you. 

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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.. 

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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.. 

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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice. 

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 

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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. 

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow. 

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B S. is done. 

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.. Please use the back door. 

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.

23 Comments

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23 Responses to The Consequences of Writing Casually

  1. Larry. I’m having an awful day. This was the belly laugh that I needed.
    mwah.
    k

  2. Sound like a good basis for some calculated humor in a story. The sentences which stand alone might be more attractive; it’s the combination of a couple put in conjunction which is the kicker: “Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.. Please use the back door. “

  3. Way too funny. I will always read what I send out now! especially if it is for the church…they ACT so innocent…

  4. Ha ha! This is too funny!

  5. Marie

    Too funny not to forward! Thanks for the chuckles!

  6. This is a howl! I laughed so hard, I had tears running down my cheeks! 😀

  7. Martijn Groeneveld

    Never heard shit that funny coming out of churches… Ususally it’s the same heartwrenching stories about priests molesting 200+ deaf boys or somesuch… A welcome change…

  8. That was hysterical. Great way to start the morning. Laughed my darn head off.

    Thanks, you can take those detours anytime. By the way, Have I mentioned yet how much I loved Whisper of the Seventh Thunder? Not sure I did. But it was great. Went back and bought a second copy to loan out to friends cause I didn’t want to give up my original. I know it will be one of those books I read again and again.

    You write what you preach. Well done.

  9. Ha! What a great way to start the day, thanks for the laugh.

  10. I needed this laugh so much Larry – thank you!

  11. Sandra S. Richardson

    Thank you, Larry!

    I laughed and laughed and I’m still smiling so broadly that my face is hurting.

    My husband used to be a pastor. He left this typo in one of his bulletin announcements:

    “Don’t forget the Community Singspiration tonight. There will be performances by musical groups from several area churches, and lots of congregational sinning.”

    Many of the people in our congregation spotted it before the service started and we all just sat there and waited to see what happened when he read the announcements aloud. He got to the mistake and went, “. . . lots of congregational . . . Whoa! I don’t think that’s right!” We all had a wonderful time laughing, and of course teasing him about it after the service was over.

    Sandra

  12. This is hilarious funny 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

    From now on I will re-read my posts more times before hitting the “publish” button 😉

  13. I laughed so hard my eyes were tearing up … and I didn’t go to that bean supper.

  14. Monica Rodriguez

    Thanks for the chuckle, Larry. Never a bad time for a laugh.

    Quick question: Do you think TV episodes can be broken down into your 4-part structure like movies can be? Or does the fact that they are ongoing – and therefore already have some info already laid out – allow them to skip some parts? I’m thinking maybe they might start right at the First Plot Point. But I’ve never actually tried to break down an episode.

    Just wondering…

  15. @Sandra — your contribution should definately be on the list. Glad it made you laugh.

    @Monica — episodic television has a similar but slightly different structure, all of it tied to the timing of commercial breaks. The equivalent of the First Plot Point occurs right before the first major commercial break, and everything prior to that is the Part 1 set up. Notice how there will be a twist or new info right before each commercial break… no accident there.

    Thanks to all for commenting today, it’s good to laugh together. L.

  16. Larry,

    Thank you so much. I cannot remember when I laughed so hard. You should have this more often.

    Avil Beckford

  17. Larry,

    Holy cow! I can’t remember the last time I laughed that much at a blog post. Thank you for sharing that. I try and have all my posts proofread, make sure I read them out loud before posting, and then maybe convince someone to edit if they have time. Good lessons 🙂

    Jonathan

  18. OMG! Hilarious! Some of these are priceless! Think I’ll post them in Church! Love it! Fortunately, our Priest has a very good sense of humor. 🙂

  19. That was just the morning laugh I needed – thanks!

  20. This is hilarious Larry! All too often do you come across these silly little mistakes that leave people laughing at you.

    Thanks for sharing!

  21. Hilarious written “bloopers.” Thanks for sharing and bringing smiles.

    Alex

  22. Gracious hostility indeed. Loved these. Thanks for the smile. (Hugs)Indigo